Sort of like...a shooting star

When people talk about it, they say it's unexpected. You always think it will be crazy, but you never know how crazy it is until it happens.
It's funny...how life is. I spent 19 years being mostly lonely. Thinking I needed someone else to complete me. In my head I kept telling myself this was wrong. But even though I kept telling myself, I didn't believe it. I spent time honestly looking and searching.
There's always a possibility we may eat our words later. But that's not how it feels right now, right here.
So I dated a jerk, like so many girls do. It wasn't because I was stupid or shallow...I was honestly lonely and thought that maybe, just maybe this guy saw something in me. The more I tried, the worse it got.
I realized the mistake I was making when things got out of control. And I shut it down. I have the most poison pen in the world, if you make me mad enough. Sure, punches smart...but I can get pretty angry with words.
In that very moment, I stopped looking. I wanted NOTHING to do with boys. Within a week a guy was trying to coax me out of it. I thought he was cute, but I had been messed with. I wasn't ready to try yet.
And that's when I stopped looking.
I didn't even look his way. He wasn't even an option at first. He seemed like the guy who would love someone else, need someone else. So I didn't even think about it.
He took an interest in me.
The first night we hung out, he gave me my first hard liquor--something blue and bright that stung. It loosened my tongue quite a bit.
Upon reflection, I wasn't tired that night, but now I know alcohol makes me extremely tired. That night, the first night we hung out, I spent the night.
At about four in the morning, he tried to make out with me. It was so silly...I stopped him because I thought I was bad at it. He tried to hide the disappointment in his voice.
The next days...the next weeks I found myself drawing so close to him, becoming inseparable.
That is when I fell in love with Max Seltenrich.
I have never, ever felt so intensely for someone ever. It's so crazy, I can't believe it...and so unexpected. It's so hard to explain to someone on the outside....
Hmmm.
I don't know what the future holds for us. Maybe we'll stay together. Maybe we'll break up. But I never want to be sorry I said I was falling in love. Never. It's the real thing.

Strange Thing to Notice in a Strange Place

So today I used the bathroom in the Union. The ones with the crazy automatic sinks, that soap you, wash you and dry you, all in one.
Because I am a very vain person, I just happened to make a bee line for the sink nearest the mirror, so I could look at myself. Only, I went to one away from the mirror. The one next to the mirror is really short. I thought when I first used it that it was a child's sink.
As I stood by the mirror, I looked at the short sink. And I noticed that the short sink had space under it. Like it was made for a wheelchair.
This made me stop and scratch my head.
Why in the world, I mean, this had to be some awesome architectural genius, would someone put a handicap sink on the opposite side from the handicap stall?
I was slightly maddened but mostly confused.

Something Small and Delicate

Have you ever found something you wish you hadn't?
Wish something didn't exist that did?
Want to believe something hasn't happened that has?
That's what happened to me.
When he opened the drawer I was laughing. How is possible for someone to own that many earplugs? Then something else caught my attention...something small and delicate. Something black and lacy. At first I thought it was dirty, which would have been silly, but it would have been something I totally would have been able to deal with. Well, it was dirty, but it was more. It was a garter. That said Prom 2007 on it. At that moment I wished it had been something else...anything else. I had to confront him so I did.
He apologized if it weirded me out.
I didn't know what to say without sounding like a controlling bitch.
At this moment I am so lost for words. To me, it is a symbol of him being hung up on her. I wish he understood. I wish he understood that I didn't want that in my life. Didn't need it.
So I just left it where it was. Didn't say anything else. I guess it's ok if I'm not number one in his life, but he has to make that decision and accept the consequences.
I love him, but this...something small and delicate. Funny how it could be such a huge and hurtful problem.