Curiosity Killed the Cat...and then the cat came back, the very next day

Hey....
It's been a while.
Look at this girl.
Who is she?
The one who lets herself get hurt?
The one that lets doubt eat away at her.
She is Sara.
I know I shouldn't have gone looking...AGAIN. But I did. Curse facebook and it's many powerful abilities. It was this time preserver, of this time before me, and all the times afterward and it made me extremely sad.
So why did I let it?
Why did I seek it out if I knew this is what it would do to me?
Because I knew it was there, and just by existing it haunted me. So I had to double check, maybe half hoping when I pulled it up that I had made a mistake, that I was wrong. Of course I wasn't.
It was worse than I remembered, and it sent me into a tumult of anxiety and sadness.
Worst of all, I felt ignored. Maybe I was wrong. But is it my fault I sought out the attention? And that I would have done anything to get it? More than any third party could ever imagine?
Would this ever go away? Could I ever be convinced?
I didn't know.
Things didn't seem to be able to go back to the way they were.
I may have been toned down, I may have been trying less hard, but it still felt like I was trying the hardest. Why was that?
I didn't know how to make the pieces go back together.