Days Inbetween

It seems so simple.
Just be happy.
A mantra I repeat to myself over and over again. I want to be happy. I can feel the capacity in my bones. But I also feel like I'm losing one of my closest friends. And his idea of helping me cope is to speed the process along.
But I'm happy with him and I can tell him almost anything. Of course, I've never mentioned my scrupulously shaved uni-brow or my odd tendency to draw a heart in pen just below the pinky on my left hand. I wonder why I haven't shared these things with my best friend.
Some days he's happy...other days he's not. I could want nothing more than for him to just pay attention to me, but it feels like to much to ask. Why can't we just be happy for a little while longer? And I'll move on later...
I will, I know I can. I have the strength in me now. After every honest moment he decides to have with me, the crumbling heart ache becomes less jarring. Although I'm still sad and sometimes, I just want him to stop deciding to be honest.
No. It's not that I want him to stop being honest. I just wish the honest didn't hurt me. I wish the honest was that he wanted to be happy with me for a little while longer.
I knew in my heart the best thing was for us to separate when he left. But did that have to be right now?
He made me happy, he was, as I will refer to him ever onward, my boyfriend and love training. Someone has to teach you what it is like. And even though I was never her, he was her. Sort of.
Maybe clinging to him was foolish. But it was what felt good, for now.