The Moments Imbetween

I was...as happy as I could allow myself to be.
The moment you left, I lost faith in myself, and could not allow you back in even though I desperately wanted to.
Now I had to strive for Sara.
And the things she believed in.
I wanted to post another 25 things on facebook, but I thought that might be overkill...
So I did it here instead.
1. I love lace. Not lots of it, but just tiny lacy details in unexpected places. Maybe a little on my underwear, or my shoes, on a tank top, or on a hairpiece.
2. I am an extremely passionate person. I feel very fully for the things I believe in.
3. On the same token, I am extremely compassionate as well. I find myself feeling sympathy and identifying with those I come into contact. I tend not to forget, but I do forgive.
4. In a little less than two months, I will have been a vegetarian for an entire year.
5. I can usually tell when people are lying, but I don't believe myself and end up falling for it anyways.
6. I like making decisions. It empowers me.
7. I want to have children some day. Not many, maybe one or two, but I have this strange maternal love that needs to be channeled into a small person.
8. I have found myself to be extremely sensual.
9. As my horoscope says, I am both scared of and fascinated by change. I get comfortable with things, but I also like to shake everything up, especially my look.
10. I like to think. Sometimes I will spend a couple hours to an entire day just thinking about everything.
11. Also on the same coin, I sometimes have to escape my brain. The endless thinking can drive me to bad places, so I tend to sleep it off or watch TV or read to drive it off when it becomes too much.
12. I have a strange fascination with the paranormal. Sometimes it gets to be a little to weird and depresses me, but for the most part I think it is cool.
13. I have a dark edge to me. I am kind and sweet, but there is a little bit of darkness lingering underneath.
14. I am extremely affected by other people's emotions. When people are upset or angry, it makes me incredibly uneasy, nervous, and anxious. Sometimes it makes me want to cry.
15. I want to get married someday, but I honestly sometimes don't see how it could ever work. I've never had a successful long term relationship, and no one seems able to stand me for too long. I see that people change every day, and I wonder how anyone could hope to stay together with so much changing. Is it possible to meet someone who changes with you, or can still love you if you change?
16. I love my hair...most of the time. It's a good, reliable, smart color.
17. I lose myself in music. It has so many meanings to me. It has been my constant companion for years, whether I listen to or make it.
18. When I feel bad, or am trying to get over something, or just trying to figure something out, I listen to the same song, over and over and over again. And then a little bit more.
19. Falling Slowly from the movie Once is my most played song on itunes, at 100 plays, and doubtless more on my ipod.
20. Homeless people scare me, but not for the reason you might think. I am afraid they judge me, and that they think I don't appreciate what I have and that I am a selfish person.
21. I am also uncomfortable around older people. The older they are, the harder it is for me to relate to them, or find something to say without feeling stupid. I always got along with people who are younger.
22. I have never smoked. Anything. And I don't really ever want to. I'm not against it, but it does not appeal to me.
23. I like alcohol, but drinking it around other people tends to make me uncomfortable, especially if it's in an unfamiliar environment or with people I don't know.
24. I don't know what I believe spiritually. I tend to ignore that part of me. So I just tend to keep doing what I do without questioning why I do it, because it seems so incredibly complicated to think about.
25. I believe that people are good. I believe in humanity. I believe in a person. The one person I don't believe in is myself.