Tears

I wanted to hit myself on the head.
I was doing it again.
I was crying and crying and I couldn't stop. I knew it wasn't his fault, and I wanted to say I knew it wasn't my fault, but I couldn't make him stay. And that made me feel terrible inside.
So the tears came out.
But he cuddled and he lay with me, and told me it wasn't my fault, not to be sad, and that I was good enough. All the things I wanted to hear.
In that moment, when I felt him there, not shrinking away from me, I felt my heart inch a little closer to him. Even though I was sad.
In that moment, I knew he was there for me.
I was still sad as he left, and I called my mother and told her to bring me home. After venting a little, I felt better. I told Chase to feel better, and I felt no resentment in telling him to get a good night's rest.
I know became very exhausted and realized I needed some rest too.
After a bad start of dreaming my dad was dead to trying to scramble in sorting rakes and finishing my physics homework, I was ready for a rest.
I was ready to settle into turkey weekend.