Million-way Storm

I don't know why I felt so threatened. It was odd really.
He kept saying she had been jealous of girls--he kept saying she made it all about him. And I felt I was falling into this stereotype he hated. And yet haha, she was a threat. Also there were girls I'd know he'd dated he was still semi-close with. And I just felt so terribly on the outside. I knew if I just talked to him about it I would feel better, but the paralyzing fear that I would push him away stopped me.
I feared he would move away and find someone better. He refrained from saying that wouldn't happen, and he had since stopped telling me how good I was for him. I was rained with endless comments of how cute I was, but what I wanted most was gone. That he knew I was right for him. I guess there was no guarantees in life. But oh man, how I wish there was.
I felt myself shutting off from him, no matter how hard I tried.
But every girl who he talked to, hugged, attacked seemed like a potential threat and did a little bit of damage to my self-esteem.
I knew this would be the last thing he would want to hear, so I kept it to myself. No need to drive him away. I felt like I was losing the battle to keep the water cupped in my hands. I just couldn't keep it from leaking through the crack between my fingers.
I began to wonder if I would ever be loved by him again, ever feel that way again, ever feel as though the world was on my side once again.