Looking Like A Sucker Fish

I wanted to hold on to this moment desperately.
And it stayed so far.
I didn't want to show him any weakness, but I knew I would I knew I needed to get over that fear because it had only made things worse lately. I was upset on for more occasions than I actually needed to be.
Falling asleep and waking up with him was honestly the best moments. Although they were fleeting, and now few and far between, I felt the comfort in us just being ourselves together. I hated being crazy. But when he dealt with it, it made it all the better. I made a note in my head that if he had to deal with it to much, he might leave me. So I would save it for the worst breakdowns. We fit together and it felt so nice. To fit with someone.
I thought of the small happy moments. I thought of how outwardly we made a nice picture. Not that something like that was the only that mattered, but it was nice to know that how we felt about each other reflected so nicely in reality.
I remember the lady at that restaurant telling us how cute we were, and how that shot a happy shoot right up through the middle of my rib cage., and exploded in my throat. It was obvious how happy he made me. I was hoping I could shed my insecurities so they wouldn't affect him anymore.
I thought of all the things he does for me, all the times he helped me when I asked, paid for my meal, did something because he knew I liked it, walked me to class even though he was tired, and tried to please me. I wanted him to see I appreciated those things. I wanted to please him.
In my mental checklist, I resolved to work on my insecurity issues. So we could be us still. So we could be we and be happy.

"Here I am, looking like a sucker fish against the glass."
~ Fist by Fictionist