Some Things are Food for Your Soul

I was astounded.
In every possible way I was astounded.
I reached deep into the heart of myself. I was surrounded by wonderful, inspiring people, who had cause and vision in life.
I could feel my brain tell me that the huge, disrespectful move this woman made was a reflection on my leadership. And I heard and felt my heart tell it no. My heart, as if wishing to rebel up to this moment, felt physically angry in my chest. No, it said, this is not your fault. You are an amazing leader and you knew all the right things to do. You handled this in the best way you knew how, and people are going to recognize that in you, and love you.
You know that everyone loves you.
That's what he said to me.
You know that everyone loves you.
Not phrased as a question, but rather a statement of undeniable fact. I was a little taken aback. But I could see in my heart the capacity to love and be loved. My love was so big, my love was so vast...my love was so infinite. It was a passion and in my heart I could not deny it.
You know everyone loves you.
The words resounded in my head a million times, more than anything else he had said about how great the training was and how well everyone melded.
And in a way, between this and feeling my heart most ardently protest to my brain's low self-esteem habits, I knew.
I knew I was better than I gave myself credit for.
I knew that some people around me had issues, and I knew that wasn't my fault.
I knew that I was a strong, independent woman who could rule her life successfully.
I knew people loved me, looked up to me, and respected me.
I knew I loved them, and to be fair to myself...
I knew I had to love me.
That is when I had the courage to change my relationship status to single. I knew I wasn't quite ready, but in my heart, I knew I had a rip-the-band-aid-off personality. Better sooner, I thought to myself. Better I let myself give up on it, and let the wound see the light of day.
The sun and wind and earth would heal it.
I felt myself jumping into my new life, as I so often did. That was who I was. And after all, what was the love and happiness worth, if it took no pain to get it? The love and happiness wouldn't be so strong and vibrant. And I would feel it again, and in this moment, I felt love for my family and friends, stronger than ever. I felt loved and loved others.
I strolled under the autumn leaves in the crisp air, and I could feel my spirit brimming with happiness, warmth, and contentedness. Walking around the lake made me feel a spirit deep down with in me, something I missed most about myself.
I thought about autumn leaves, crisp apples on my tongue, and meandering through the mountains. I thought about the beauty of nature and the love of close friends.
My heart glowed with the compliments people gave me about the weekend. How well I ran things, and how responsible I was, how poised and amazing I was.
I wanted to keep that feeling in me, or at very least, close by me forever.
Is it possible to cry out of happiness?
Because I am.