Best Friend Secret Code

I was having a good time. Talking was really nice.
We stumbled on the topic of next year's housing situation. To me, I couldn't imagine a better roommate. Not at all.
She mumbled something about her mother might think I was too emotional.
It was mumbled.
It got me a little bit off. I realized she told her mother everything, but I didn't think she told her mother everything. Some of the stuff I told her was kind of personal. Not stuff I wanted her mother to judge me about.
Scratch that housing plan, my best friend didn't even seem into it.
My best friend didn't seem into it.
It was my fall back, but still.
How could she not seem into it?
I wasn't serious enough. I wasn't perfect enough. I wasn't good enough.
It was a nice movie, a semi-nice meal (good enough for two poor college students), and an nice chat.
But I was kind of hurt.
Well, if things came out for the best she wouldn't have to make the choice. As I thought that I cringed.
And on top of that, I decided to try to do something nice for a guy I felt bad for. Who knows how that would go. I was hoping my thoughtfulness would get me good karma. I was hoping hard.
The cloud I had been semi-floating on was gone. It never failed to amaze me how I could understand or not understand about myself, how much I could know or not know. Every day it shocked me.
I was outed, and I wanted to care, but he didn't.
No more best friend secret code.