Done

I wanted to be done.
I was done.
I was tired of trying to tell him how he hurt me. I was tired of him hurting me. I was tired of his apathy. I was tired of his huge lack of compassion for human beings. I was tired of trying to get him to see. I was so tired.
After he defriended me, I was hurt. He's right. It's just facebook. But he tried to put me in the same category as friends from high school he doesn't talk to. It stank of emotionlessness. It suggested heartlessness. It seemed to be apathy, or pain. I wasn't sure which.
It would tear me up inside for a while.
Maybe I was silly for being emotional. But that's better than being a robot. Which is what it felt like he was. How did he feel anything for anyone? I didn't tell him about all my exploits. I didn't feel the need to hurt him with "truthfulness."
Ok. Now I'm being a little hurtful.
I was done.
I wanted to be happy. I didn't know how to get there, but I was going to try.
My heart was big. I wasn't going to pretend it wasn't.
Time to be independent.
It was those small moments, when I jogged casually beside Lexi, feeling the power in my legs for a few small seconds, or finishing a huge assignment, really learning. It was those small moments I found happiness. It was fleeting, but it was there. Finding the little happy things was key. I strung them on a string, like little beads, ready to fall off at any moment. I wanted to be happy, I really did.
This song helped pull me through one break up, hopefully it would pull me through another.
"I went to sleep last night, tired from the fight, I've been fighting for tomorrow all my life. I woke up this morning, feeling brand new, because the dreams that I've been dreaming have finally come true."
~ It's a New Day by Will.i.am.