Innerpartysystem

Somehow, there were still ways.
I had never pretended I didn't live life out loud. I didn't believe in denying how you really feel. That didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. Sure, if it was going to hurt someone, you didn't tell them that you got your feelings hurt when they left you behind or that you were going to feel your heart break if they got in that relationship.
But if you knew, if you knew from the beginning that you would hurt them more in the end by not telling the truth, if they found out, that they would be torn up inside, you should tell the truth. Tell the truth and avoid needless pain, although there would be pain.
I didn't believe in saying I didn't feel how I did or that I didn't want what I did. It would tear me up inside otherwise. And my past had shown me suppressing emotions wasn't the best plan, especially since my emotions were so large, colorful, and loud.
He was giving me the I'm busy reason again. I realized very quickly that nothing had changed. He wanted what he had had, without actually having to do anything about it. But my close friends--close friends like he wanted to be, I spent a lot of time with. They either lived with me or saw me a couple times a week. I have to admit, there were some outliers, and I treasured them. But that kind of emotional closeness--took work.
It just seemed like he felt bitter towards me and it hurt my heart.
But I guess there was really nothing I could do about it now.

"I can't remember what I had said. Something reminiscent of a relationship. It was easier to lack the truth than tell you how I really feel. But I will surround your heart with lies."

~ Heart on Fire by Innerpartysystem