Say

The evening started out...all over the place, disastrous.
I was ready to kill someone. I eventually just gave up and went with my dad. I loved him, and I knew if I stayed there a moment longer I would lose it. I walked away. They might think I was pouting, and a brat. But this would be a better option than fuming in their company and refusing to smoke.
I would just come off as a bitch that way, and at least leaving with my dad prevented me from being a super bitch.
After a while, I realized I liked being with friends. As much as I loved my dad, I wanted to be silly. So I left him and searched out Ryan. They were fun to talk to, but no one wanted to dance. And I wasn't about to dance all on my own. Eleni came by, and said hello. He gave me a hug. What happened next I hadn't anticipated. He held on and whispered in my ear that he was sorry. It chilled and raised the hairs on the back of my neck. He held me a little longer than I was expecting. They walked away and I kept trying to dance. The outskirts weren't a place of crazy dancers. I knew I wanted to be in the thick of things.
I followed his head, tallest in the crowd and found them. From that point onward, the dancing with Abby didn't stop.
I was trying my best to do the honorable thing, and not break the best friend code. But I was ever aware of his presence. I made him dance and clap his hands over his head. I looked drunk but I didn't care.
Sometimes you just need to let the dancing out. When you can't handle everything around you, and need to let yourself out, dance. Dance like no one is watching. All the catharsis I had needed, was here, shaking out of every part of my body. I had wanted a haircut and I didn't get it. I had dressed up cute, and they weren't even wanting to see it. So hell if I care, I was going to dance. I was going to dance every emotional tension out of my body.
Strangely enough, it seemed to work.
We walked back, and a little bit of my spirit died. I don't remember why, but he pulled me in. And held on. Squeezed my side. I wanted to tell myself this didn't mean anything, but I was always a sucker for hope. Honorable was far gone from here.
He let go, and I was sad. I let her sit up front. And I felt the weakness I felt in the smooth seats, power emanating from the car.
We all talked. And...we left. I opened the door, because I could feel increasing tension and wanted to give honorable another chance. I began to walk out and he told me not to leave. He hugged her and we walked out. He walked me to my door. Anything could have happened, as hope had taught me to do. He pulled me in and hugged me a little longer than friendly. I only hugged closer friends that long.
The side of his face collided with mine. I couldn't. He would have to man up, and I would have to give up.
All I could handle was wishful thinking. He had told me I shouldn't be dating. He also told me he usually just asked girls out. So I probably had too much hope, and should just stop trying.

"Well bless my soul, you're a lonely soul. 'Cause you won't let go of anything you hold. All I need is the air I breathe and a place to rest my head."

~ Say (All I Need) by OneRepublic