Diamonds

I could see why people said hope and future glinted, like a jewel.
I could see it, happiness and myself glinting in the future. It was just a flash, but I could see it. It glittered like diamonds or crystals, reflecting the sun. As quickly as it was there, it was gone.
I had to learn how to be happy for myself, as much as I didn't want to. I was angry, I was so angry. At the point where I had to learn how to be self-sufficient, it seemed as if he was skipping that step, and just moving on. I was already past that. I had no more options to pursue. It seemed unfair, but it was what it was.
It felt like he'd never cared about me. It felt like I had no importance to him, and I held no spot in his heart. I was that easy to move on from.
But I saw the glint and I tried to hold on it.
I tried to hold on to swimming in the ocean, moving to the coast, going to grad school, and finding someone I loved, eventually.
I wanted to love someone again one day.
Here in this loneliness, feeling like everything was a lie, I wanted to feel love.
I wanted lazy mornings and secret touches. Driving to Blue Plate in the morning, holding hands across the table. Waking up in the late morning bright rays of sun in a soft bed with soft kisses. Tickles under the falling leaves and coffee sitting close. All the lazy things that meant love to me. Sweet, gentle, caring love.
One day I would find it again. Even though it felt so far away and unattainable. One day I would love again.