Wait a Minute

This wasn't how I wanted it.
I spent the night in giggles, chuckles, and laughter. I had missed my friends so much. I needed some companionship right now, and I knew where to go. I needed that one-on-one attention, the attention I had thrived on for years. In the moment with your best of friends, laughing, crying, complaining, arguing, debating, sharing, and just getting to that level of understanding I craved.
I think that's why people went into relationships and fell away from the world. And why that had such a hard time adjusting without them afterwords. Because here was one person who could do it all. Who could be there for you for everything. Someone who, ideally, you had that connection with constantly. You didn't need friends, so you lost them. And once you got out, you didn't have anyone to provide that basic human need. That common human bond.
I didn't want to feel this way. I didn't want to feel as if I was starting to care for him again. It was frustrating. I had spent all that time being angry. And now that was washed away. I felt the residual attraction overcoming me. I was excited to talk to him, I thrilled in knowing someone who knew me, through and through, every part of me you might say. Nothing was going to happen, but that didn't stop me from fantasizing a little.
I felt little jealousy. And lots of care. I felt like I might always care about him, in some sense. I wondered if this was some gap I now had that I was trying to fill. In an odd way. I had no idea. All I could know was that we were talking, and it made me feel understood and at peace. And a little excited.
I felt life pulsing through my veins again. I felt capable and able. I was sad and angry, but I was pushing that away from me, ready just to feel the challenges life brought to me.
I would never forget how much I cared.
"Hot venom is mixing with my blood. I can feel on my fingertips, taste it on her tongue. It feels so good to fall in love with you."
~ Hot Venom by the Miniature Tigers