Two Swords

I suffered death by two swords. One hideous, and one honorable.
It didn't seem fair that I should suffer the same pain two different ways, twice in one day.
I suppose I looked for emotional support in all the wrong places.
He was so close, touching me. I could feel the connection between us. But I was too scared. I knew he wanted to lean in to me, but he wouldn't. That's what made me scared.
My sobs escaped as he walked away.
How could I let this happen?
Why did he touch me?
How in the hell was this fair?
To suffer two rejections in one day was a feat. I hadn't even meant to suffer them either. But they just happened. I felt a dagger in my back and a rapier in my heart.
I hadn't meant to be replaced. I hadn't meant to be the only one who ended up alone and uncared for.
I hadn't meant to be left here, legs pulled to my chest, I hadn't meant to suffer a rejection. I could have lived life without knowing he moved on. But here he was telling me so. With his arm around me. I was the only one left behind again. I was the only one left with feelings, the only one left longing. Why had I let him come over in the first place?
Because I was lonely and I needed someone NOW. Later was just simply not good enough. I needed someone to comfort and listen NOW. And he had offered. I just needed a crying shoulder for one minute, one that I could actually physically cry on.
He didn't want to hurt me again, but in saying those things and walking away, he had. A hurt I wasn't even aware I could feel anymore.
I didn't want to be the only one who felt alone.
I didn't feel like the world wasn't fair.
I didn't want to feel like this was always going to happen.
I didn't want to be alone forever.