The First Cut

I was learning to be single again.
It was bizarre coming to this realization at a brewery with Eleni and Tyson.
I was going to be ok.
It was really hard, seeing as I hadn't been decently single in over a year. A year and a half, really. I hadn't really taken any time inbetween to stop crying and worrying and just be me. It was bizarre to sit here and find that part of me again.
I realized that while I was so mad at Max, I had loved him. Part of me knew that. The first cut is the deepest, right? No one really ever forgets their first love, even if their first love is a complete douche bag.
Being in Park City always reminded me of him. I had walked the streets hand in hand with him once. I had stayed there for a weekend once. That was a nice weekend. We had nice moments together, even between the bad ones, and I could recognize them for what they were, at least for this moment. This didn't mean I ever wanted to get back with him (that would just be a bad idea all around) but it did mean I had loved and cared about him at one point.
That love had gone so deep, a memory of it still existed in my core. I had been intoxicated. One day I hoped I would feel that again.
The pizza was delicious, along with a beer. I settled into the fullness of my stomach, and how my body loved me for it. My stomach let out sighs of content.
This felt good, being out and treating myself well.
I wanted to hold onto this forever.
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they go right. You believe lies so that you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself and good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
~ Marilyn Monroe